As reported by Jason Sechrest and DeWayne in San Diego, former Harlow trial prosecution witness Benjamin Gilbert (aka Caleb Carter) was found dead yesterday, victim of an apparent suicide-by-hanging in his San Diego apartment.The precise date of death is unclear, however, as he may actually have been deceased for some time when finally discovered in the apartment he lived in by himself; as you can see, his latest MySpace activity was on Wednesday the 18th, meaning, he could have actually passed away any time between the 18th and Friday the 20th.
As to what personal demons may have driven him to this, who knows. We do know he had sought help for alcohol issues not too long ago, so perhaps that played a role. In the absence of further information, it is probably unwise (not to mention unseemly) to speculate further, despite the our natural burning desire to try to ask and answer the question "why?" when tragedies like this occur.
Rest in peace, Benjamin.
Update: I've just been informed that a "Life Celebration" is being planned in Benjamin's honor by friends of his in San Diego. It will be Monday February 23, at 6pm, at the Brass Rail Nightclub and Lounge.
Update 2: Jason Sechrest posts additional sad details.
Update 3: Sigh. Predictable. Wrong of course (see Update 2), but predictable.
35 comments:
Dear God,
May you Rest in Peace Caleb Carter.
I am sorry that you were not able to find that inner connection to help you out of your personal hell.
I am truly sorry for that-
Rest with God Caleb.
Anyone, PLEASE tell me this is a cruel sick joke.
You knew him? If so, my condolences.
Jim,
No I did not know him. This is the second person to die that I have been accused of being.
I'm still in shock, so I'll say no more till I get my head around this senseless loss of a young life.
Aside from my shock at this senseless tragedy, I must say I was also surprised to read that he was a prosecution witness. If anything, I would have expected him to be a defense witness. I did a search of this blog and could find no info on this. Did he ever testify (at the prelim) or did he just show up on the long list of potential witnesses?
The latter; he was on the prosecution's original list of 385 alibi rebuttal witnesses.
Too sad, too young. And there were people around to remind him that there is life after twinkdom.
Did he leave a note?
There is no official news being reported on this in the San Diego media. So, unless Ben's friends or relatives come forward with such a detail, we may never know.
I am not sure it is "twinkdom" that was the cause Quicky.
Although we do not know for sure - it is quite possible it was alcohol addiction and or drug addiction- untreated -
That brings a person to a desperate and tragic move like this all too often. This is like the third suicide I have heard about this month- I knew the other ones.
Caleb mentioned AA awhile back-
People should just know IF that is their problem - there is so much help for them. They can find contentment in life.
All out "happiness" well, I don't think anyone ever has that - all of the time - but contentment and hope and learning how to live with that disease - working on it - one day at a time.
That is what I had hoped was happening for this young man and obviously he did not find that.
Again we do not know the cause but I see this too often with people suffering addiction/depression/lonliness.
Where did you find the update about the Brass rail Jim?
I have been checking the San Diego Medical Examiners office they have not posted as of Monday.
"Where did you find the update about the Brass rail Jim?"
I've been told that it's being posted about MySpace...I'll see if I can find out more.
http://dewayneinsd.blogspot.com/2009/02/suicides-death-by-hanging.html
Posted 5 pics from Richs Feb 6th this seems to be the last public appearance. And happens to be the night he was at the coffeehouse.
Interesting. Seems like not a care in the world.
I know looks like Damons claim of a brooding morose Caleb turns out o be another lie.
Of course truthfully I was a master of masking my depression.
The night I nearly drove off Sunset Cliffs I had been out with friends having a great (fake) time.
We learn to hide it.
I really wish he had found treatment it does work I waited till I was 41 and how I did not end up dead at 25 who knows...
Oh I don't doubt it. You know, both Jason Secrest and J.C. Adams used the word "moody" to describe him, in the same sentence with other more vivacious adjectives, IIRC.
And this is a a problem with many of the drugs Liver toxicity when combined with Alcohol. In fact what the hell was his Doctor thinking prescribing Paxil in the first place to someone who drank?
Come on the list of side effects (Common by the way) including weight gain,impotence and Alcohol toxicity means someone seriously FUCKED up!
This was a train wreck waiting to happen and the responsible party is the one with the MD shingle!
This may be suicide but I firmly believe Caleb was not responsible for his actions.
This is another in a long list of Paxil induced Suicides!
Paxil is definitely on the
Do not Use list!
Paxil - Alert from the F.D.A.
FDA ALERT [07/2005]: Suicidal Thoughts or Actions in Children and Adults
Patients with depression or other mental illnesses often think about or attempt suicide. Closely watch anyone taking antidepressants, especially early in treatment or when the dose is changed. Patients who become irritable or anxious, or have new or increased thoughts of suicide or other changes in mood or behavior (or their care givers) should contact their healthcare professional right away.
Children
Taking antidepressants may increase suicidal thoughts and actions in about 1 out of 50 people 18 years or younger. FDA has approved Zoloft for use in children only if they have obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Adults
Several recent scientific publications report the possibility of an increased risk for suicidal behavior in adults who are being treated with antidepressant medications. Even before these reports became available, FDA began a complete review of all available data to determine whether there is an increased risk of suicidal thinking or behavior in adults being treated with antidepressant medications. It is expected that this review will take a year or longer to complete. In the meantime, FDA is highlighting that adults being treated with antidepressant medication, particularly those being treated for depression, should be watched closely for worsening of depression and for increased suicidal thinking or behavior.
I don't know dewayne,
Paxil saved my ass at a time when I needed my ass saved.
Snapped me out of manic depression and allowed me to have a "decent feeling of well being"
Something that I feel people who do not have depression already have.
In other words, not high not low, just a sense of well being.
I continued to take it for 4 years and it stopped working- just stopped working, I then had to run through trying the "rounds" of anti depressants until I found one that worked- zoloft.
Now drinking with antidepressants is not good- really not good.
But neither is drinking while on any anti depressant.
I have read you have to keep your eyes open when on Paxil, but I know alot of people who are helped by it.
Caleb Carter may not have been gaining the benefit of antidepressant therapy because of "paxil not working for him anymore" but I would lean towards- no antidepressant is going to work while drinking alot of alcohol- just will not happen.
I am not a doctor and I do not think I would blame the dr. here-
but some of these symptoms being talked about re: Caleb sound like untreated bi-polar disorder-
mania up and mania down- combine that with a ton of alcohol and you have a prescription for suicide.
If personal info. is kept from the dr. as it many times is- nobody can really be blamed because they really do not know what the patient is doing while alone.
They have recently discovered that as many as one third of patients on antidepressants are not getting the full benefit of the medicine- only feeling okay- not well.
There is a vitamin- folate [by px] like 100 times the average daily req. dose-- from the vitamin store- this strong form of folate [deplin] goes straight to the brain - in a way that allows the antidepressant to work as it should. I am taking it and it is incredible.
Again it is by PX only and it is a strong vitamin [folate].
Mixing alcohol while taking a prescription drug is just not sound. If Caleb's depression was severe enough, he may have been trying to get relief anyway he could.
In any event, Caleb lost hope that things would get better for him and that is very sad. From what I read about Caleb when he was at his best, he was a good performer. I pray that Caleb is granted eternal rest and the peace of God.
Jason Sechrest reports, "Though no note was left, Caleb had told friends he had tried unsuccessfully earlier in the month but that the belt buckle had broke."
I guess that's the trouble with belts designed to glitter and not hold one's pants up. In Florida we have a law called the Baker Act which allows law enforcement and physicians involuntarily to commit people undergoing a mental health crisis for 72 hours for observation. This is enough time for a Circuit Judge to sign off on a lengthier confinement if necessary. I don't know if CA has a similar provision, but a report of an attempted suicide should certainly trigger involuntary confinement.
CC was reportedly being weened off of Paxil, perhaps indicating that he was a long time user. If you are experiencing symptoms such as panic attacks, it may well be worth the risk to take antidepressants just to have a predictable mood. For a time at age 22 I would have panic attacks that were unpredictable and terrifying. My GP tried 5mg Valiums, but they didn't always work. He gave me an antidepressant no longer available in the US called Elavil. It worked. The only side effects were a slight cottonmouth and brilliant, technicolor dreams. As the prescription was running out, I looked it up in the PDR and discovered that I had been taking a heavy duty confined mental patient dosage, and I decided not to renew, and I didn't go back to that doctor for anything, ever.
Re: update 3-
it is almost funny-
bb will blame Sean and Grant for Everything!!!
That actually was humuorous.
Geoff is right on the money IMO-
Somebody tells you they tried to commit suicide-you act!
As I said on DeWayne's, it's mind-boggling to me that some action wasn't taken by his so-called "friends" after he reported his failed suicide attempt to them. My God, he was practically begging for somebody to do something to save him from himself -- why else would he divulge such information to them? If Sechrest's report is true, I hope these "friends" are questioned by police.
" will g said...
As I said on DeWayne's, it's mind-boggling to me that some action wasn't taken by his so-called "friends" after he reported his failed suicide attempt to them."
Well, we don't know that there wasn't. It's possible that additional precautions were taken...but turned out to be not good enough.
Honestly, since the trigger to this tragedy was clearly pharmacological, my finger-pointing tendencies tend to the doctors involved.
As to BB's finger-pointing tendencies (which I note Kent has gleefully picked up on as well), like I said, predictable.
I guess what I'm saying is similar to Geoff, that he should have been committed. And he CERTAINLY should never have been left alone.
If you are talking to someone who credibly threatens suicide or reports a credible suicide attempt, the correct response is to dial 911. You will get two or three police units and a fire engine and eventually an ambulance to haul the subject off to the nearest forensic psychiatric unit. Don't try to practice medicine or play God yourself.
this is Brent summers...and i can def let you know damon is full of shit. i emailed him earlier in response to what he posted. i understand people are going to blog and gossip etc but none of his article was accurate. ene down to age. to me thats disrespectful journalism....more like a national enquirer
"i emailed him earlier in response to what he posted."
Ooooh, I hate to say this Brent, and I KNOW you meant well, but...that was probably a mistake.
What's going to happen now is, "Damon" is going to post your email on his site, probably plaster your picture all around it, and then crow about being an "industry leader" by dint of you writing to him in person.
In other words, exactly he gets exactly what he wanted to achieve by publishing the false stories about Benjamin in the first place.
Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk, but just an FYI for future reference.
And thank you for posting and clarifying here. I know you lost a good friend, and I am very sorry for your loss.
I just reposted Brent's statement on JOHM's Caleb Carter thread.
http://www.gayporntimes.com/hardnews/2009/02/24/caleb-carter-memorial-tomorrow/
JC Adams nearly the most unflappable guy in Porn Journalism opines,,,
One other note: I’ve been getting emails from concerned Constant Readers about various shit-talkers on other sites who are criticizing Caleb for his many bad decisions; some of them are taking advantage of the grief of his friends to further their own agenda.
Look, Caleb was deeply flawed, and often impossible. I knew that, and so did everyone who loved him, and we didn’t care because he was worth the occasional trouble.
He was also a public figure and willingly exposed himself to the ridicule of the hoi polloi. So, really, I don’t give a flying fuck about the shit-talkers and ambulance chasers; some people simply have no compassion, no sense of propriety, no attachment to anything beyond the end of their own nose, and there is nothing to be done about it. As comedian Lewis Black says, “The good die young; assholes live forever.”
Nuff said
Just which shit-talkers and ambulance chasers is JC Adams talking about? Is it JC Adams whom CC informed he had attempted suicide? Fuck him and his mother.
No Geoff, I think he's referring to a heated thread over on the Atkol forums.
And perhaps two other websites (already mentioned here) who "... are taking advantage of the grief of his friends to further their own agenda."
Geoff, where on earth did you get the notion that Carter informed JC Adams that he had attmepted suicide? Nothing could be further from the truth. Here's what JCA wrote about his most recent contacts with him:
"I checked up on him regularly. We stayed in contact. He sent me a picture of his new tattoo only a few days ago. We talked about cute boys and porn and making a living. I’ve known a lot of porn actors who have left us, far too many. Caleb was — is — my friend. I loved him."
You've really got to check your facts before spouting off.
Will, I didn't make an assertion, I asked a question.
Sorry Geoff, guess I was spouting off too. But I you should really wait for an answer to your question before saying "Fuck him and his mother," don't you think?
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