14.
[Part 15: Revelations]"Ya know, growin up I was molested couple times,..." Revelations indeed. This section is probably the most important evidence in the BBTs never really reported in the mainstream press. Oh, they mentioned Harlow saying "...actually seeing that fucker going down actually it's sick but it made me feel better inside. It almost felt like I got revenge..." but they never explained exactly what Harlow meant by that.
Press squeamishness on the subject? Perhaps. But the thing is...a court of law is no place for sqeamishness. So, these revelations by Harlow will very likely be brought up by the DA if this case goes to trial. It goes directly to Harlow's motive: "It almost felt like I got revenge."
Given this importance and seriousness of this issue, I am going to quote (and muse on) this section pretty extensively.
HARLOW CUADRA: Ya know, growin up I was molested couple times, and it's what kind of made the whole decision kind of easy, almost a little too easy...
GRANT ROY: Ah huh.
HARLOW CUADRA: And I should of thought a little bit more of where all those fingers would have pointed, I remember looking at all the press, ya know just so fuckin (inaudible), I'm just glad that shit's over with.
First, a slightly off topic but important digression. This here is what I call the "Day 2 Harlow Apology," or the "Harlow Apology Lite." Here we see Harlow apparantly remorseful for those suspicious fingers that pointed at Sean and Grant after the murder. This, and the even more dramatic
"Day 1 Harlow Apology" proove beyond a shadow of a doubt Sean and Grant had no planning role in the murder. Moving on...
GRANT ROY: Well...
SEAN LOCKHART: Do you ever talk about it, what happened I mean with... you said you were, you were abused.
HARLOW CUADRA: Oh yea.
SEAN LOCKHART: (inaudible).
HARLOW CUADRA: Umm, well I told my mom, if anybody ever does contact you regarding that shit, I want you to deny it, ya know what I mean? It's (inaudible) but ah...
GRANT ROY: Right.
SEAN LOCKHART: About the abuse?
HARLOW CUADRA: Yea, growing up, heavy catholic and ah, in ah, Spanish type household ya know, being gay wasn't accepted at all.
So, Harlow's mom
Gladis knew of the abuse too. Although, it is not clear from this transcript if:
1) Harlow told his mom to deny it; or
2) if Harlow's mom told Harlow to deny it;
...if anyone ever contacted them regarding it. The wording could be read either way. In any case, it indicates a deep family desire to keep this scandal hidden.
You know, it does not take a PhD in psychology to guess how this secret must have knawed at Harlow, and struggled to find release: "...actually seeing that fucker going down actually it's sick but it made me feel better inside."
Continuing...
GRANT ROY: And you're from where now?
HARLOW CUADRA: Ah, well my parents are Spanish and Cuban...
GRANT ROY: Ah, huh.
HARLOW CUADRA: So ya know its like, it was like very heavy catholic and ah, I mean the word gay I didn't know what the hell that was...
GRANT ROY: Ah, huh.
HARLOW CUADRA: Ya know it was that kind of house.
GRANT ROY: I heard sissy... sissy is not a good thing you wanted to be...
HARLOW CUADRA: Yea, yea...
GRANT ROY: ... referred to as.
HARLOW CUADRA: Being molested by my step-dad, it was like your situation, like a very controlling type of thing, where you couldn't really talk to anybody about it, ya know just live with it, ya know?
GRANT ROY: So it was your step-dad?
HARLOW CUADRA: Yea. Ya know, and I just grinned and bared it because it was better me than my little brother and sister.
So, it was a stepfather. No indication of how old Harlow was, but Harlow hints that his
sister Melissa and
brother David were both hypothetically at risk too. Harlow says his silence and self-sacrifice spared these younger siblings from abuse, but...how would he know this for sure? Perhaps they abuse victims too? And if so...will they be called to the witness stand, to describe in detail exactly what they went through?
Come to think of it...will the stepfather be called into testify? In theory, he could plead the fifth...but with immunity granted, that obstacle could be overcome if need be, I imagine.
And what of Harlow's mother Gladis? Will she be called into testify as to what she knew of the stepfather's abuse, and when she knew about it?
Thus it seems practically the whole family could potentially be called to testify to this dark family secret, should Harlow opt to proceed to trial. It's relevance to Harlow's motive for this brutal crime is too critical to ignore.
Moving on...
GRANT ROY: You don't think that turned you gay, do you?
HARLOW CUADRA: Do I? No, because I remember way before he came along ah, ya know I used to have certain feelings...
GRANT ROY: It probably made you feel guilty that you thought you brought that on?
HARLOW CUADRA: Yea, you're right, you're right, so it took.
GRANT ROY: And he actually probably sensed that.
HARLOW CUADRA: Probably did yea.
GRANT ROY: Just like Bryan.
HARLOW CUADRA: And it took, and I think that's why it took me awhile for me to accept my sexuality because of all that, ya know I was having feelings for some male friends of mine, before that even happened, so...
GRANT ROY: Sorry.
HARLOW CUADRA: Oh, no problem. Umm, actually seeing that fucker going down actually it's sick but it made me feel better inside. It almost felt like I got revenge and I know that sounds fucked up, really fucked up but I still couldn't sleep for a week, I had dark circles under my eyes, Xanax, Ambien, you name it, I was taking that shit but umm, he ya know... Like I told ya, it's all over with man, you done climbed that mountain. I know...
This is the money quote. Right here, Harlow for all intents and purposes confesses to his role in the murder. By projecting the image of his abusive stepfather onto Bryan Kocis (and what we know of Bryan's habits around young attractive boys, this was perhaps not difficult), he was able to, at this moment, turn a murder for debt relief and financial benefit into a crime of passion as well.
You know, I recall Elm and a few other posters from way back constantly arguing that with a neck slash and 28 post-mortem stab wounds, at least one of them to the groin...this murder HAD to be a crime of passion. Well, I'll be hornswaggled...it appears Elm was right again! Just as I noted in an
earlier musing (ie, 'the murderer knows the location of the missing Masarati'), another early Elm prediction has come true. Elm is on a 2-for-2 hot streak in these musings.
And after this emotionally taxing crime, Harlow mentions he could not sleep (despite various sleep aids). Now, Harlow goes on to list other symptoms of post-murder guilt he labored under:
SEAN LOCKHART: It's gonna be hard to...
HARLOW CUADRA: I know...
SEAN LOCKHART: I could just wish that...
HARLOW CUADRA: I told Joe I wouldn't check like Boy Batter emails for like months. I didn't care if they had a complaint, I didn't care if a video was done, I didn't give a shit.
So, in addition to insomnia, he could not check emails, handle customer service, or otherwise concentrate on his work. Yeah, killing tends to have that effect on people, I guess. Very stressful. And now, we wonder, what has Joe to contribute to the conversation at this moment? Does he have any post-murder psychic trauma symptoms to relate?
JOSEPH KEREKES: I'm happy.
And...there you have it. This right here illuminates the key mental differences between the two murderers. Harlow was driven by some very dark personal demons, which the murder did not really vanquish...at best, he exchanged one set of demons for another, which now haunt him.
Joe, OTOH, seems to me to be just a psychopath.
